It was a usual day.....I was roaming around with my Cousin....My Cousin ,she's Lecturer in my College for MBA Department ,she was helping me with my admission process in B.Tech....then we came out of the admin. block after submitting the fees, completing all the formalities...then coming outside ,I saw some gals passing by...simple ,long looks,lil chubby yet ultra-gorgeous....that was the First time I saw her... days passed ,college started for me as i took a late admission....i got familiar with the atmosphere, local crowd of college ,my classmates...I was more with the Hostelers as I recently came from chandigarh...I loved independent hostel life....so I used to spend whole of my day either in Hostel or in College....then again on my way I saw that gal....this time alone...so gorgeous...I have been to chandigarh...I have seen gals from all over North there....but nothing compared to her....I felt some connection....I gave her a look ....eyes met....she looked the other-way ... she got my heart with that very simple gestures & innocency of her.
days passed ,years passed...i used to cross her way, she never noticed...i used to visit her class, but i dont know whether she noticed or not...so many bike chases of her going to market with her friends....bunking classes seeing her going out from window....at nirmal or Shri Ram....giving my lunch to hostelers just to see her during lunch in college mess ... & so many foolish things just to let her know...that i love her.
but finally on 23 November(she told me the date later on ) ...i followed her to market with my friends.... with things in my mind that its already 3rd year and in one more year she will be gone... with lots of courage ,so much of motivation from my buddies... i finally entered the sweet shop ...she was sitting there with her friend...i gave her " I think You're cute " quote....& I tried saying ...howz you....but that thing stuck in my throat....i was shivering like....being dumped in -50 degrees...she said NO... i dont know , with what in my mind i said sorry & left the sweet shop...leaving all the workers in the sweet shop looking at me,with curiosity.
i came out....my buddies asked what happened ...what did you said....i said , NOTHING....we went to mandir sat there for a while....i told them lets go...i will do it...lets go to her again....we reached that sweet shop...she was not there....we found torn pieces of my quote....i lift them up...with sad face....we went inside the sweet shop...& ordered gulab jamun...to celebrate my first step towards her.
in final year i started writing to her on Facebook....she replied....i was overjoyed...that year for the first time i wished her on her b'day & was really happy to get a reply .
from her side i got to know something like... mechanical guys are like this & that....so i coordinated a skit called "shareef Badmaash " in our annual fest to let her know that ...that all guys are not just the same....but my bad-luck she was absent for the fest.
final year....final annual fest....i dint participated cuz i had a marriage to attend that particular day....but i got to know that shez is participating...so i cancelled all my programs...just to have a word with her ...i went to her ...she was standing backstage waiting for her turn...during the fashion show....i said you're looking gorgeous....she looked uneasy,dint said a word....i said again you're looking gorgeous....again silence,this time she ignored,,,i was really embarrassed....i wanted to talk to her...but dont had words what i will be saying to her...i chased her....she dint bothered....i left disappointed...cursing myself, for my loose behavior & not being able to say anything.
College got over ,i thought i would forget her, but i wasn't able to... i tried lot....i started writing mails to her about my job,,,,about the happenings in my life....once in awhile she used to reply...& then everything stopped...i got no reply from her side for so long , i thought of moving on...to come out of my fantasy world....& believe thats shez gone .
then suddenly on 3rd Jan 2011( 2nd jan she had a backlog exam for her first sem Maths) , she replied with a e-mail ,that why she dint replied & her Maths exam preparation ,her life in her city & many things, i was on cloud 9 that day , i felt like "just awesome"
then the series of regular mails started , i got to know her, i found her to be the most wonderful girl i have ever known, i liked her simplicity ,her innocence , the way she will tell where you're wrong & the same time not making you feel bad about it.
I am feeling blessed to know her , to meet her !!!
Emails converted to facebook chat & Gtalk .... & then to Phonecalls & Whatsapp.
She got the job the in Gurgaon ,... i thanked god, for making things good in my life, i was so happy....i thought of gifting her something....to congratulate & make her feel good....i gifted her a teddy bear .... i thought she will be happy seeing a gift from me.....but....her words " we hardly know each other ,& you are sending me a gifting " really turned me down....i thought may be i's wrong....may be i's going way too fast....i apologizes a dozen times....she dint talked to me for more than a month cuz of that gift thing....then finally it started again with a whats app message from her side .
we started again ....new things ,new talks....but i found out that shez is not happpy with her job...cuz of her night shifts....& we dont get much of the time to spend with each other like we used to do when she was home.
During day time when i used to call her ,either she was sleeping...or she used to pick up with a irritating voice....cuz of less sleep.
i really missed our little talks, her innocent stories.....
i used to put an alarm for 2:30 AM , just to talk to her.....to spend time with her....i skipped my morning jogging ...to get time for her as she used to come online on whats app around 6 AM.
i made several excuses ,just not to excuse her....she is the one....my inspiration....
i have seen so many girls, i used to meet so many girls...my profession is like this...corporate parties ,girls...exchanging cards ...meeting you...calling you & messaging you.... But at the end of the day when i think of her....everything else seems ...just bullshit.
i dont know , why i'm like this....the guys in my profession...even if they're not goodlooking ...hav 2-3 GF's ...or have been with so many girls....but i never desired....i never found anyone as beautiful & gorgeous as she is....
she started ignoring my morning calls....... :(
i dont know may be her new job ... new friends new things.
I was feeling Insecure.
i remember one sunday ,I was in my Hometown.... we were talking ........ & i made her talk to my niece lakshita....
we talked about where we're going to take our relationship....she told me that her parents wont agree & things like that......i was so happy deep in my mind....
i told her not to worry ,first you agree on this....we will convince your parents....
i thought she is thinking about "US" , the way i used to think every day & every moment.
but then i dont know what happened things went on...she started ignoring calls...limited time.......late whats app replies .
she has friends.....i just had her. !!!
Finally ,I asked her what i am to you....sometime i am a friend ,some time I'm more than a friend & some times I'm just a stranger.
& One unfortunate day....she called & said i dont want to talk to you any more..." I dont feel happy talking to you "
i felt shocked , i asked why ....why what happened ?.....i mean ,i am in so love with you....she said i dont love you.....my parents are looking a guy for me,...& i will be getting married next year....!!!
i dint got much to say....actually i was not able to think what to say....i was just feeling helpless, how to convince her......i was in emotional trauma .
never felt so helpless. !!!
i cried that night....i dont remember when was the last time i cried before that....cried for a girl...for the girl i loved the most...& she just said GOODBYE...i dont know ,why so ...but i wasn't convinced with her marriage excuse.
i was so shattered...i took leave for two days from work & went home .... i thought about her ....i thought may be she is genuinely in problem....may be her parents forcing her for marriage....you dont know one;s family situation.
i was so attached to her & her family...i had her parents & her childhood pictures....which she shared with me....ahh...those wonderful days.!!!
With these thoughts in my mind....i called her...to ask her...if your parents are forcing you....i will make my parents talk to your parents ....if you want to.
i was torn into pieces with the words....." i can never thought of marrying you" "i will not marry you".......i was such a fool.
i cursed myself....to be such a fool ....such an idiot....to call her .
After couple of weeks, Early Morning , i had a strange encounter with her in Delhi Metro....she was coming from a friends marriage & i was coming from home.
i was just standing in the metro...thinking of her,...then i heard her laughing...oh...that sound...i still hear the echo of her laughs in my mind...one cant just forget that.
first i thought....."Mere Kaan Bajj rahe hai" but than i turned around....i saw her....standing....i was just amazed....it felt lyk the first time, very first time... the jittery feeling.....the first time i saw her.
i stared at her.....we made eye contacts....i waved Hi....she responded in a puzzled way....i was nervous too....so i looked away...but then i thought....this is the golden opportunity....i have been waiting since so long, i was pleading her to meet me.
& finally shez in front of me.
i should talk to her...but she had her classmate with her.....i doubted may be she has not told him about me....so i don't dared talking to her....i thought she will feel offended....i started talking to her class mate....he recognized me....& we chatted...she was not making any eye contact....i was there with them for like 15mins ....but those were the best moments....i left with a heavy heart from metro " Mile bhi toh aise, kuch baat naa ho saki "
i always wanted to meet her to spend time with her....to know how she eats & drinks...to know her more....to see her hand gestures & gait....everything about her.... but i think she always thought , i am asking her for a date .
Madness has no limits....months passed....she has her b'day around christmas... i have planned from so long to do something for her b'day...but as we broke up.......but my desire to do something dint died....i celebrated her b'day with my friends & sent her the videos with a message....!!
although i mentioned ,i dont want any reply....but i needed the reply.
i thought she will wish me on my b'day ....& we will talk again....but .... !!!
i know i am an Idiot ,who falls in love with an angel... but i am happy as i have the memories of the moments & things we shared with each other... i still love her... & i always will.
!!! !!!
days passed ,years passed...i used to cross her way, she never noticed...i used to visit her class, but i dont know whether she noticed or not...so many bike chases of her going to market with her friends....bunking classes seeing her going out from window....at nirmal or Shri Ram....giving my lunch to hostelers just to see her during lunch in college mess ... & so many foolish things just to let her know...that i love her.
but finally on 23 November(she told me the date later on ) ...i followed her to market with my friends.... with things in my mind that its already 3rd year and in one more year she will be gone... with lots of courage ,so much of motivation from my buddies... i finally entered the sweet shop ...she was sitting there with her friend...i gave her " I think You're cute " quote....& I tried saying ...howz you....but that thing stuck in my throat....i was shivering like....being dumped in -50 degrees...she said NO... i dont know , with what in my mind i said sorry & left the sweet shop...leaving all the workers in the sweet shop looking at me,with curiosity.
i came out....my buddies asked what happened ...what did you said....i said , NOTHING....we went to mandir sat there for a while....i told them lets go...i will do it...lets go to her again....we reached that sweet shop...she was not there....we found torn pieces of my quote....i lift them up...with sad face....we went inside the sweet shop...& ordered gulab jamun...to celebrate my first step towards her.
in final year i started writing to her on Facebook....she replied....i was overjoyed...that year for the first time i wished her on her b'day & was really happy to get a reply .
from her side i got to know something like... mechanical guys are like this & that....so i coordinated a skit called "shareef Badmaash " in our annual fest to let her know that ...that all guys are not just the same....but my bad-luck she was absent for the fest.
final year....final annual fest....i dint participated cuz i had a marriage to attend that particular day....but i got to know that shez is participating...so i cancelled all my programs...just to have a word with her ...i went to her ...she was standing backstage waiting for her turn...during the fashion show....i said you're looking gorgeous....she looked uneasy,dint said a word....i said again you're looking gorgeous....again silence,this time she ignored,,,i was really embarrassed....i wanted to talk to her...but dont had words what i will be saying to her...i chased her....she dint bothered....i left disappointed...cursing myself, for my loose behavior & not being able to say anything.
College got over ,i thought i would forget her, but i wasn't able to... i tried lot....i started writing mails to her about my job,,,,about the happenings in my life....once in awhile she used to reply...& then everything stopped...i got no reply from her side for so long , i thought of moving on...to come out of my fantasy world....& believe thats shez gone .
then suddenly on 3rd Jan 2011( 2nd jan she had a backlog exam for her first sem Maths) , she replied with a e-mail ,that why she dint replied & her Maths exam preparation ,her life in her city & many things, i was on cloud 9 that day , i felt like "just awesome"
then the series of regular mails started , i got to know her, i found her to be the most wonderful girl i have ever known, i liked her simplicity ,her innocence , the way she will tell where you're wrong & the same time not making you feel bad about it.
I am feeling blessed to know her , to meet her !!!
Emails converted to facebook chat & Gtalk .... & then to Phonecalls & Whatsapp.
She got the job the in Gurgaon ,... i thanked god, for making things good in my life, i was so happy....i thought of gifting her something....to congratulate & make her feel good....i gifted her a teddy bear .... i thought she will be happy seeing a gift from me.....but....her words " we hardly know each other ,& you are sending me a gifting " really turned me down....i thought may be i's wrong....may be i's going way too fast....i apologizes a dozen times....she dint talked to me for more than a month cuz of that gift thing....then finally it started again with a whats app message from her side .
we started again ....new things ,new talks....but i found out that shez is not happpy with her job...cuz of her night shifts....& we dont get much of the time to spend with each other like we used to do when she was home.
During day time when i used to call her ,either she was sleeping...or she used to pick up with a irritating voice....cuz of less sleep.
i really missed our little talks, her innocent stories.....
i used to put an alarm for 2:30 AM , just to talk to her.....to spend time with her....i skipped my morning jogging ...to get time for her as she used to come online on whats app around 6 AM.
i made several excuses ,just not to excuse her....she is the one....my inspiration....
i have seen so many girls, i used to meet so many girls...my profession is like this...corporate parties ,girls...exchanging cards ...meeting you...calling you & messaging you.... But at the end of the day when i think of her....everything else seems ...just bullshit.
i dont know , why i'm like this....the guys in my profession...even if they're not goodlooking ...hav 2-3 GF's ...or have been with so many girls....but i never desired....i never found anyone as beautiful & gorgeous as she is....
she started ignoring my morning calls....... :(
i dont know may be her new job ... new friends new things.
I was feeling Insecure.
i remember one sunday ,I was in my Hometown.... we were talking ........ & i made her talk to my niece lakshita....
we talked about where we're going to take our relationship....she told me that her parents wont agree & things like that......i was so happy deep in my mind....
i told her not to worry ,first you agree on this....we will convince your parents....
i thought she is thinking about "US" , the way i used to think every day & every moment.
but then i dont know what happened things went on...she started ignoring calls...limited time.......late whats app replies .
she has friends.....i just had her. !!!
Finally ,I asked her what i am to you....sometime i am a friend ,some time I'm more than a friend & some times I'm just a stranger.
& One unfortunate day....she called & said i dont want to talk to you any more..." I dont feel happy talking to you "
i felt shocked , i asked why ....why what happened ?.....i mean ,i am in so love with you....she said i dont love you.....my parents are looking a guy for me,...& i will be getting married next year....!!!
i dint got much to say....actually i was not able to think what to say....i was just feeling helpless, how to convince her......i was in emotional trauma .
never felt so helpless. !!!
i cried that night....i dont remember when was the last time i cried before that....cried for a girl...for the girl i loved the most...& she just said GOODBYE...i dont know ,why so ...but i wasn't convinced with her marriage excuse.
i was so shattered...i took leave for two days from work & went home .... i thought about her ....i thought may be she is genuinely in problem....may be her parents forcing her for marriage....you dont know one;s family situation.
i was so attached to her & her family...i had her parents & her childhood pictures....which she shared with me....ahh...those wonderful days.!!!
With these thoughts in my mind....i called her...to ask her...if your parents are forcing you....i will make my parents talk to your parents ....if you want to.
i was torn into pieces with the words....." i can never thought of marrying you" "i will not marry you".......i was such a fool.
i cursed myself....to be such a fool ....such an idiot....to call her .
After couple of weeks, Early Morning , i had a strange encounter with her in Delhi Metro....she was coming from a friends marriage & i was coming from home.
i was just standing in the metro...thinking of her,...then i heard her laughing...oh...that sound...i still hear the echo of her laughs in my mind...one cant just forget that.
first i thought....."Mere Kaan Bajj rahe hai" but than i turned around....i saw her....standing....i was just amazed....it felt lyk the first time, very first time... the jittery feeling.....the first time i saw her.
i stared at her.....we made eye contacts....i waved Hi....she responded in a puzzled way....i was nervous too....so i looked away...but then i thought....this is the golden opportunity....i have been waiting since so long, i was pleading her to meet me.
& finally shez in front of me.
i should talk to her...but she had her classmate with her.....i doubted may be she has not told him about me....so i don't dared talking to her....i thought she will feel offended....i started talking to her class mate....he recognized me....& we chatted...she was not making any eye contact....i was there with them for like 15mins ....but those were the best moments....i left with a heavy heart from metro " Mile bhi toh aise, kuch baat naa ho saki "
i always wanted to meet her to spend time with her....to know how she eats & drinks...to know her more....to see her hand gestures & gait....everything about her.... but i think she always thought , i am asking her for a date .
Madness has no limits....months passed....she has her b'day around christmas... i have planned from so long to do something for her b'day...but as we broke up.......but my desire to do something dint died....i celebrated her b'day with my friends & sent her the videos with a message....!!
although i mentioned ,i dont want any reply....but i needed the reply.
i thought she will wish me on my b'day ....& we will talk again....but .... !!!
i know i am an Idiot ,who falls in love with an angel... but i am happy as i have the memories of the moments & things we shared with each other... i still love her... & i always will.
!!! !!!
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